Understanding if you are Co-dependent - My Eleventh Entry

Codependency begins with being attracted to and/or developing a relationship with an unhealthy person. The term codependency has been used since the late 1970’s. Along with the related term co-addiction, it was originally used solely to describe spouses of alcoholics and addicts. By the mid 1980s the term was expanded to include anyone who lives with addiction in their family existed.

One of the results of growing up in an unhealthy family is the risk of becoming codependent. Codependency is defined as a preoccupation and dependency on a person or an object. It relates to an individual depending solely on a partner for their self esteem. It often becomes a pathological condition where all relationships are co-dependent.

For the codependent, the struggles of a partner can so affect you that your mental energy is directed towards helping the other person at you own expense. If you are codependent you can become so absorbed by the other person that you disregard your own interests, hobbies, health, family or friends. It results in the person’s energy, esteem, sense of power and self concept focused on pleasing and protecting the other highly dysfunctional person You may dress for your partner, cut your hair specifically for him/her or adopt his/her hobbies even if they conflict with your values or needs.

You can never fully succeed at satisfying another person. I have seen women have surgery, change hair color eliminate contact with family and friends all in pursuit of pleasing the wrong person. Each time it led to personal failure and intense feelings of failure.

It is extremely difficult to stop codependent behaviors because the fears of rejection or abandonment are so intense that it impacts directly on your ability to be honest or have a healthy relationship. This doesn’t even consider that you have isolated yourself from your support network to be with him. There are numerous documented cases where a severely codependent person will put herself at financial, legal, physical, or spiritual risk just to do what she believes will please the object of her attention: a disturbed man.

In order to understand this, you need to understand the major symptoms of codependency. They include:
· Denial
· Compulsive behaviors
· Dysfunctional relationships
· Shame
· Obsession
· Guilt

Today’s Truth: You must have clear boundaries and expectations before your marriage. Women are often perceived by men as nagging, manipulative, and never able to be satisfied. Men are perceived as distant, thoughtless and self-centered.