Taking Control of Your Life - My Twenty-sixth Entry

Do you feel as though you’re in charge of your life?

The truth may depend on how you were raised, what you were taught and how you were nurtured when you were very young. As kids we are totally dependent on adults. In dysfunctional families you have to please these adults in order to survive. In contrast, healthy parents want what’s best for the child and there is a mutuality of interest and concern.

As children, we have two choices when we interact with adults. We can comply or we can rebel.

What we choose is related to the messages you got from your parents about how you were supposed to act. If your parents smoke marijuana with you or battle openly with each other, their message is different than the parent who works at school as a room parent and attends your activities.

Did you ever hear statements like...’Act your age’, ‘I expect all As’, ‘children should be seen and not heard’, ‘big boys don’t cry’, or ‘you’re a girl...you can’t do this’. All these early messages affect your latter life. What if you heard, ‘you’re capable of doing anything you want’, ‘I love you and will support whatever you choose’ or ‘you’re responsible for your behavior.’

Your ability to persist and develop relationships is learned at an early age. What you learn as a child is hard to change because it is engrained. The result is that many people give up when it comes to real change. We rationalize by saying ‘it’s not worth it’, ’I can’t do it’, ‘I’m happy the way I am’, etc.

The truth is that we all can change. In fact we change all the time. It’s also true that some of our foibles we just have to accept...they are what make us unique and special.

How would you feel if you accept yourself? Even the things you want to change.

Think of it as ‘I am changing, just because it would be better for me!’ It’s a different process than, I will die if I don’t stop this behavior.

What are the flaws you feel like you need to change to be satisfied or happy?
What are the traits you need to accept in order to feel satisfied with your life?

Now reassess those questions by considering the power you have to change and what power you give away. You give away power by:
1. Postponing
2. Being indecisive
3. By giving up responsibility
4. Using language that keeps you powerless
a. ‘I can’t'
b. ‘I will try, but not commit’
c. ‘I wish rather than work for what I want’

Today’s Truth: If the Little Engine That Could decided that he wasn’t going to try, the children wouldn’t have gotten their presents. Are you prepared to give up on yourself? Let’s hope not.