Dealing with the holidays and the possible family conflicts -My forty-ninth Entry

Sorry for the time that I was away from this blog. I was asked yesterday about dealing with the holidays and situations with extended families and in-laws. With people having to travel and marrying people who have different traditions, the chances for misunderstandings and hurt feelings increase. I realized that for you and your partner to make the holidays easier, you first need to make sure that you are healthy. Do you possess the three Cs?
Commitment
Communication
Capitulation (the willingness to give in)

If the answer is yes, you’re off to a great start and the holidays will be easier. Here are some of the things that I would do to make my holiday easier and more enjoyable. If you currently don’t have a partner or the problem is between you and your family of origin, consider how you can still use these guides. (Ex. 1. Becomes – I must understand my expectations.)

1. Talk to your partner about each of your expectations and try to understand them
2. When they match…make sure that you both can accept them
3. If you have differences, be willing to give in (confirm that you both are willing to give in)
4. Don’t “pit” your family commitment against his
5. Incorporate each of your traditions when possible
6. Remember what you like about your in-laws
7. If you feel like there is a competition between families for your time and energy, remember you don’t have to see yourself as a prize
8. Start your own traditions…but give your family ample notice
9. Try to get everyone together. It doesn’t have to be Christmas Day. Today extended families are smaller and live across the country. They may choose a Saturday or Sunday between Christmas and New Year’s Day to celebrate.
10. Consider inviting both families it may allow for a larger and more satisfying holiday
11. Finally, REMEMBER THAT THE WALTONS WERE A HOLLYWOOD FAMILY. Life isn’t perfect and neither are our families!

Today’s Truth- A joyful holiday season may be a direct consequence of your expectations and not the results.